Step-Parents, Guardians, and Tutors

The extent of this title (Fathers) is in the last place to be [Note 1] considered. Not only naturall parents themselues, but also all that are in their place are comprised vnder it. As they who are in the place of parents,

1.By the bond of mariage.;#

2.By propinquity of bloud.;#

3.By voluntary appointment.#

The first sort are fathers and mothers in law: who are so reckoned either by the mariage of parents themselues, or by the mariage of their children.

That man or woman which is maried to a parent that had children before their mariage, is in the place of a naturall parent: thus Ioseph was a [Note 2] father to Iesus, and [Note 3] Keturah a mother to Isaak. So againe the naturall parents of that sonne that hath maried a wife, or of that daughter that is maried to an husband, are in the place of parents to the wife of their sonne, and to the husband of their daughter. Thus [Note 4] Iethro was a father to Moses, and [Note 5] Naomi a mother to Ruth.

All these are to account their children in law (that is, the [Note 6] children of their husband and wife, or the wiues of their sons, and the husbands of their daughters) as their owne naturall children, and according to the age and place of these children to performe the forenamed duties, and euery way to seeke their good (except in such duties as after a peculiar manner belong to naturall parents, as nursing to a naturall mother, leauing the inheritance to a naturall parent.)

For a patterne hereof take the forenamed examples of Ioseph and Naomi. What naturall parents could doe more for their owne children then Ioseph did for Iesus, and Naomi for Ruth? The history noteth how Ioseph tooke care to haue his wiues childe [Note 7] circumcised, and presented in the temple: how he [Note 8] fled from place to place to preserue the childs life: how [Note 9] perplexed he was when he thought the childe was lost: how he [Note 10] trained him vp in his owne house. The history also noteth how [Note 11] Naomi brought Ruth her sonnes wife into her own countrey, and retained her with her selfe, and [Note 12] directed her whither to goe, and [Note 13] what husband to haue, and [Note 14] became a nurse to her childe.

1.Mariage maketh man and wife one flesh: in which respect [Note 15] they ought to haue one minde, and the same affections, as mutually each to other, so ioyntly to the children of each other. On which ground also the husband and wife of a childe, being one flesh with the childe, ought as the childe to be respected. On this ground God counteth the Saints his [Note 16] deare children, because they are [Note 17] espoused to his naturall son.#

2.To respect the children of an husband or wife as their owne, is a great euidence of intire loue to the husband and wife. And to respect the husband and wife of a childe is a great euidence of loue to the childe it selfe. If the worlds prouerbe hold true (loue me and loue my dog) how much more true is this Christian rule, loue me and loue my childe: or loue me and loue mine husband: or loue me and loue my wife.#

3.This also is an especiall meanes to kindle and preserue mutuall loue betwixt man and wife, who haue children of former husbands and wiues: as also betwixt parents and children.#

Contrary is the cariage of most fathers and mothers in law: especially of those who are maried to husbands or to wiues that had children before mariage: so farre they are from performing the forenamed duty, as rather they enuy at the prosperity of their husbands and wiues children: and secretly endeuour to hinder it in what they can: and cunningly leeke to alienate the naturall parents affection from them: whence [Note 18] fearefull tragedies haue beene made, and lamentable mischiefes haue followed. What other reason can be giuen hereof [Note 19] but a plaine instigation of the deuill, who thus laboureth to disunite those whom God hath ioyned together? For auoiding this snare note the mischiefes that follow from thence.

1.Such parents sinne against Gods ordinance: and as Eue, leane more to Satans suggestion then to Gods direction.#

2.They alienate the hearts and affections of one from another: not only from their children, but from themselues.#

3.They prouoke their children in law to contemne and despise them, and to yeeld no duty vnto them.#

Hence note into what an hell vnkinde fathers and mothers in law doe cast themselues. If this were duly weighed, I thinke they would be otherwise minded. But the god of this world doth so blinde their eies with selfe-loue, and with enuy, that they cannot see the mischiefes whereinto they implunge themselues.

This is a point the more to be weighed, because the fault here taxed is so common, and hath in all ages beene too common. [Note 20] What grieuous complaints haue in former times beene made, and still are made by children against fathers and mothers in law? Whence also direfull imprecations haue followed. Let widowers and widowes that haue children seriously thinke of it before hand: and be the more circumspect in taking a second or third husband or wife: and after they are maried let them take heed of Satans snares: and let conscience of dutie more preuaile with them, then corruption of nature.

Many parents to the husbands and wiues of their children doe also much transgresse and swarue from their dutie: for

1.They will shew much more respect to their owne children then to the children of their husbands or wiues: as by comming to their daughters when their husbands are abroad, and neuer but then: and sending for their sonnes to their house, but not for their wiues.#

2.In all differences they will take part with their owne children, though it be in the worse part, and shew great partiality.#

3.They will oft giue very ill counsell: aduising their sons to keepe their wiues short: aduising their daughters not to be too subiect to their husbands, yea priuily to purloine from their husbands.#

4.If they liue with their children, they will so prie into euery thing that their childrens husband or wife doth, and shew such suspicion and iealously in euery thing, as they cannot but cause much discord: and hence it oft commeth to passe, that either parent and childe, or husband and wife must be parted: they cannot all in peace liue together.#

These faults I thus note, that they may the more carefully be auoided.

The next sort of those who are in stead of parents, are those who in bloud and kindred are next to parents: as grandfathers, grand-mothers, vncles, aunts, elder brothers, or sisters, their husbands or wiues, and cosins.

These commonly are counted to be in the place of parents, [Note 21] when God taketh away naturall and immediate parents from their children: so as they are parents to Orphants.

The duties which were prescribed to naturall parents appertaine to them (except [Note 22] before excepted.) Their dutie is to see these Orphants well educated, well placed in some good calling, well maried, and (if the Orphants be left destitute of meanes) well prouided for.

Mordecai is a worthy president and patterne for this kinde of parents. [Note 23] He brought vp Esther his vncles daughter (for she had neither father nor mother) he tooke her for his owne daughter: when she was taken from him, [Note 24] he went to know how she did, and what should become of her: and [Note 25] he gaue her aduice from time to time how to carrie her selfe. Let such as are parents to Orphants take this example as a direction, and as a motiue to performe the other duties prescribed to naturall parents as need requireth, and occasion is offered.

God by his prouidence taking away naturall parents committeth their Orphants as a charge to the next of kin: that as their naturall parents brought them forth, these should bring them vp: therefore for their recompence let them looke to God, (who taketh vpon himselfe to be [Note 26] a father of the fatherlesse) and for their incouragement remember the reward which Mordecai receiued of the Lord: yea also let them remember the blessing that God bestowed vpon Esther. God doth oft so blesse the meanes vsed for the education of Orphants, as they who take the care thereof haue no cause to repent their paines and cost, but rather haue much matter of comfort, ioy and thanksgiuing.

Too too common is the contrary disposition of most kinsmen, and kinswomen; they thinke they are bound to none but their owne children, and if they haue no children, to none at all. Many are of Ruths kinsmans minde, they feare to marre [Note 27] their owne inheritance. Though they be themselues exceeding rich, and spend much in apparell, pastimes and house-keeping, yet they can suffer the Orphants of their poore kindred to want, and to beg for need.

This is it that maketh the losse of naturall parents to be so much the greater. And herein many Christians are more inhumane then the heathen: which the Apostle implieth, where he faith, they are worse then infidels: for Orphants next of kinne [Note 28] are to be reckoned among those whom the Apostle termeth a mans [Note 29] OVVNE.

The last sort of those who are in place of parents, are such as haue the charge of children committed to them by voluntary appointment of parents, or are chosen by children themselues, or by the magistrate when parents are dead, or lunatike, or any other way impotent, and vnable to traine vp their owne children.

Of these care and conscience is rather required, then cost and charges: for commonly both their charges are allowed, and their paines recompenced.

They who by reason of the death or impotency of naturall parents haue the charge of children committed to them, are commonly called Guardians: of whom two generall duties are required.

1.That they looke to their Pupils good education.;#

2.That they preserue their patrimony and inheritance.#

For their education, the directions giuen before to naturall parents are to be obserued by them.

For preseruation of their patrimonie, they must doe for their Pupils what they would doe for their owne children; and so carry themselues, as with good conscience they may giue that account to their Pupils, or any other, which the law requireth.

The two forenamed duties, are the rhaine ends for which Guardians are chosen: in performing whereof, if they be faithfull, great redresse will be made of the vntimely death of parents; and notwithstanding parents die before their children be of discretion to manage their estate, yet will their houses and families be maintained, and young heires kept from cunnie-catchers and cheaters.

It is noted of Iohn, who had the mother of Iesus commended [Note 30] to him, that he tooke her to his owne home: whereby is implied his prouident care for her good.

Contrary is the practise of most Guardians, who take Pupils [Note 31] for their owne aduantage, and make a prey of them. The heathen could say, that Guardianship is to be performed for the benefit of the Pupill, and not of the Guardian. Yet among Christians is the forenamed fault of Guardians.

1.There are few children (that haue not naturall parents to looke to their good education) but are exceedingly neglected therein, and brought vp very rudely and licentiously: yea many times too sparingly and ⟦G3⟧iggardly for diet, apparell, and other needfull things, though they haue sufficient to discharge all that shall be laid out vpon them.#

2.The maine estate & patrimonie of many Pupils is much impaired: and if they haue lands, as much waste is made vpon them as possibly can be: and when a reckoning is to be giuen, it shall be a large, vniust, and most vnconscionable reckoning of the Guardian can but get a generall release, it is all that the caueth for.#

3.Mariages are after a for forced vpon many Pupils: and such matches put vpon them as they cannot like; yea such as are no way fit for them, neither for estate, nor yeeres, nor proportion of bodie, nor qualities of minde.#

Little doe these Guardians thinke of that account where unto they shall be brought an other day before the Lord, who stileth himselfe the [Note 32] helper of the fatherlesse, and who beholdeth mischiefe to requite it. Fearefull is that iudgement which the Lord hath [Note 33] threatned against those that oppresse the fatherlesse. Let not therefore vniust Guardians thinke, that the gaine they get wrongfully from their Pupils shall prosper: but rather let them looke for Gods curse vpon their owne children, and goods.

If such as parents themselues haue vpon their death-beds committed their children vnto, in confidence of their faithfulnesse, shall deale deceitfully with their Pupils, their sinne is doubled, and trebled. For

1.They violate the bond of friendship, faithfulnesse, and trust reposed vpon them.;#

2.They sinne directly against iustice.;#

3.Most monstrously they transgresse the rules of charitie.#

Among those who are by voluntarie appointment set in the place of parents, are Schoolemasters and Tutors to be reckoned. The authoritie and charge of a parent is for a time committed to them: therefore for that time they ought to performe a parents dutie.

Their dutie is appropriated to education: it appertaineth not to them to maintaine the children committed to them: they are rather themselues by their paines that way maintained.

All the duties which were before comprised vnder nurture, belong to Schoolemasters and Tutors. More particularly they are to instruct children in three things.

1.In learning.;#

2.In ciuilitie, and good manners.;#

3.In true pietie, and religion.#

I shall not need to speake more of these points then hath [Note 34] before beene deliuered: only to prouoke them to be diligent in well nurturing children in those three points, let the benefit of good Schoolemasters and Tutors be well noted.

Schoolemasters commonly cast the first seed into the hearts of [Note 35] children: they first season them: as the seed is, such will the crop be: as the first seasoning is, so will the sauour continue to be. If they sowe no good seed at all, what haruest can be looked for? If they sowe a corrupt seed of rudenesse, licentiousnesse, profanenesse, superstition, and any wickednesse, the crop must needs be answerable thereto. But if they sowe the good seed of learning, ciuilitie, and pietie, there is great hope of a good crop.

Hence it followeth that they are of great vse, and may bring much good, not only to the children themselues, and their parents, [Note 36] but also to the Church and Common-wealth. Iulian the Apostat was not ignorant hereof: and therefore endeuouring to root Christianitie out of the world, he suffered no man that professed himselfe a Christian, to teach a schoole: but in stead of Christian Schoolemasters, he set vp in euery part of his dominions, heathenish Schoolemasters.

Tutors, to whose gouernment young schollers, that are sent to the Vniuersities, are committed, haue to deale with children in their riper yeeres; euen when the time of setling them in a course is come: the very time wherein much good may be done to children, or else wherein they may be vtterly peruerted. There will be little hope of bowing them, and drawing them into another course after they be freed from the gouernment of a Tutor. Tutors therefore, as they haue need of great wisdome, so of good conscience, that they may haue the greater care of their Pupils, and take the greater paines in teaching them the three forenamed points, learning, ciuilitie, and pietie. A good Tutor may doe much to repaire the negligence, and amend the defects of a Schoolemaster: but there remaine none to redresse the failings of a Tutor: children for the most part are past redressing, when they cease to haue a Tutor.

The vices contrary to the forenamed dutie of Schoolemasters, are these.

1.Unskilfulnesse. Many that are more fit to be taught then to teach, take vpon them this weightie calling. Some haue not sufficient learning: some againe are rude, and know not themselues good manners: and some know not the first principles of the oracles of God. No good can be expected from these.#

2.Couetousnesse. All that many seeke, is to multiply the number of their schollers, and to get as much as they can for boording, and teaching: they aime more at their owne gaine then at their schollers profit. Children are not like to thriue well vnder them.#

3.Negligence. Many are loth to take the paines of a Schoolemaster, and thereupon come as little into the schoole as they can: take euery small occasion to be gone againe: care not how much their children play: if they be able to hire a poore Vsher, all the burden shall be cast vpon him. Little is that fruit that can be looked for from them.#

4.Want of pietie. Many skilfull and painfull Schoolemasters, vnder whose teaching children come forward exceeding well in learning, thinke it nothing appertaineth to them to teach the grounds of religion, so as they altogether neglect pietie. Assuredly they want it themselues: for were their owne hearts seasoned with true pietie, their consciences would moue them to teach it to their children. The things of the kingdome of God are like vnto ⟦G5⟧eauen, which seasoneth the whole batch of dough with that season and sauour which it selfe hath. When children spend almost all their time with their Schoolemasters, of whom should they learne it, if not of them? What blessing can be hoped from the paines of such Schoolemasters?#

I might to these adde the ouer-much remisnesse of some (whereby children get too great an head) and the too great seueritie of others, either in frequencie of correcting, as if they delighted therein; or in the measure thereof, as if they had to doe with beasts, whereby they affright children, make them dull, yea and impudent also. But these extremes were [Note 37] before handled.

The common fault of Tutors is altogether to neglect their Pupils. Many thinke a Tutor to be a meeretitular matter: no more to be required of them but to beare the very name; and to vndertake that the Colledge be discharged for their Pupils diet. This conceit, and the practise answerable thereunto, is the blemish and bane of the Vniuersities. Many children well trained vp in schooles, vtterly lose the benefit of all their former education when they are sent to the Vniuersitie, because their Tutors altogether leaue them to themselues: and so they are made a prey to idle and lewd companions. By reason hereof many parents are vtterly discouraged to send their children to the Vniuersitie.