Callings, Marriage, and Portions

Hauing laid downe such duties of parents as especially respect the childhood of children, I proceed to lay forth such as haue respect to their riper yeeres wherein they are to be placed forth.

Here we are to note

1.The kindes of those duties.;#

2.The meanes of performing them.#

The kindes may be drawne to two heads.

1.Prouiding fit places and callings for them to exercise their gifts.#

2.Prouiding fit mariages for them.#

We heard [Note 1] before how children were to be trained vp, and fitted to some good calling euen in their childhood. Now further, when by vertue of good education they are inabled to discharge the functions and duties of a calling, and by yeeres they are well growne vp, so as it is time they should be set to some particular calling:

Parents ought to prouide fit callings for their children, and fit [Note 2] places for them to exercise the gifts which by nature or education they haue gotten. For example, If children haue beene brought vp in learning, parents must vse what lawfull and honest meanes they can to settle them in such a place and course as they may professe and exercise their gifts, according to their seuerall kindes, be it Diuinitie, Law, Physicke, or the like: or if they haue beene brought vp in any trade, to prouide that they may set vp (as we speake) and exercise their trade. The two first children that euer were borne of woman, [Note 3] Cain and Abel, were placed forth in seuerall callings; and without doubt their places were so ordered by their parents. The like may be gathered out of these phrases, [Note 4] Esau was a man of the field, and Iaakob dwelt intents. [Note 5] It is noted of Samuel, that he made his two sonnes Iudges. Had they beene as faithfull in well vsing their places, as their father was carefull in prouiding them, they might haue liued well themselues, and done much good to others. Ishai hauing many sonnes, had a care hereof: for [Note 6] he sent his three eldest sonnes to the war; and placed them in a souldiers course of life: [Note 7] his youngest he made a shepheard, which was in those daies and places a calling of greater reckoning then now it is with vs.

1.Thus shall they make vse of that abilitie whereunto by [Note 8] their parents prouidence, and their owne diligence they haue attained: otherwise that abilitie may soone be lost. Doth not daily experience shew that many who haue beene well trained vp by their parents in learning, so farre as they haue beene fit to haue entred into the ministerie, for want of place and imploiment, haue in time so forgotten all, as if they had neuer beene trained vp in learning: and so in other sciences.#

2.Thus come they to doe much more good in Church or Common-wealth: till men be placed in distinct callings, they are but fitting and preparing for future times. I denie not but that both Church and Common-wealth may reape much benefit by the paines and labour of the younger sort, who are trained vp vnder others: but most properly are they counted members of the Church and Common-wealth, and actuall instruments of the good thereof, who haue some particular distinct calling, whereby they doe good to others.#

3.Thus they come to liue of themselues, and to be able to releeue others also. All the time of their education, they are commonly at the charge of others: at least, though by their paines they may gaine much, yet the gaine returnes to others: they themselues for the most part haue but a bare maintenance, meat, drinke and cloth (as we say:) little haue they to lay vp for themselues for the time to come, or to giue to others for the present.#

4.They thus come to traine vp others against after times, as they themselues haue beene trained vp: whereby a continuall and perpetuall succession of all kindes of callings, is from time to time preserued: and thus Family, Church, and Common-wealth vpheld and maintained. In short time would all callings and functions vtterly decay, if a continuall supplie were not thus made.#

Two especiall cautions are to be obserued by parents in [Note 9] prouiding callings for their children.

1.That such callings be prouided as their children haue beene trained vp vnto, and are in some measure fitted and enabled to performe the duties thereof: as to prouide a Ministers place for him that hath beene brought vp in learning and studied diuinity: so in other callings such, as their children may be their crafts-masters therein. Thus shall their children doe the more good therein, both to others and themselues. Bezaleel and Aholiab were chosen to build the tabernacle because they were filled with wisdome to worke all manner of worke: likewise [Note 10] the seruants of Hirom were chosen to hew Cedar trees for the temple, because among the Iewes there were not any that [Note 11] could skill to hew timber, like vnto the Sidonians. Pharaoh was carefull to haue men of actiuity rulers ouer his cattell. [Note 12]#

2.That such meanes be vsed for prouiding a calling as parents in vsing them may with faith call vpon God for his blessing. They that by lawfull meanes are brought into a calling whereunto they are fitted, are set therein by God, as is implied by this phrase, as God hath called euery one, &c. A lawfull entrance into a calling is a matter of great moment: he that so entreth may in a right vse thereof cast himselfe vpon Gods blessing, and with strong confidence expect the same, saying as the Prophet did, Lord I haue not thrust in my selfe thou [Note 13] knowest.#

The extreme in the defect contrary to a parents prouident care in prouiding a fit calling, is, a carelesse neglect of children after they are well educated, a leauing them to shift for themselues. [Note 15] It is noted of the rauenous fowles that haue sharpe talents, that so soone as they perceiue their young ones to be able to fly, they will flap and beat them with their wings, and driue them out of their nests, and after that take no further care of them. We may not be like such cruell birds: reason ⟦G2⟧nd religion teacheth vs otherwise. Good education is a good duty, but not a parents whole duty: the stay which is here made, may make all the former care and paines to be of little ⟦G3⟧se.

Obiect. This is to be left to Gods prouidence. Answ. Meanes rightly vsed are subordinate to Gods prouidence, and by them doth God manifest his prouidence and bring his counsell to passe: to neglect meanes is to thwart and crosse the diuine prouidence. It is therefore well done to rely on Gods prouidence: but ill done to neglect the meanes of effecting it. Gods blessing is best discerned in the vse of meanes. The extreme in the excesse is a preposterous greedinesse in [Note 16] parents to bring their children to a calling. This is manifested two waies.

1.When they care not how fit their children be for the [Note 17] place, so it be a place of gaine and honour. Experience sheweth that this is the bane of Church and commonwealth. Hereby it falleth out in the politique body, as it would in a naturall body; if the hand should take vpon it to see, or the leg to heare, or the foot to taste, what could from thence be expected but ruine to the body? Trades-men oft vndoe themselues, their families and friends, by vndertaking such trades as they haue no skill in, or whereof they are not crafts-masters. The more excellent the calling is, the more mischiefe is done by this greedy preposterousnesse. This extreme is so much worse then the former, as it is worse to doe much hurt, then no good.#

2.When they make no conscience of the meanes which [Note 18] they vse to bring their children into callings: but by vnlawfull meanes purchase their desires: as, by Simony to procure an ecclesiasticall function (whence oft followeth also periury) or by bribery to procure an office. These indirect meanes take away difference betwixt fitnesse and vnfitnesse of persons: for the vnfittest that be may by money purchase a place. Besides, though children be neuer so ⟦G4⟧ for these callings, yet there is little hope of any blessing from God, when the first entrance is without him: yea against his will and word. Who can thinke that God hath placed such a⟦G5⟧ one in his place? if God haue not placed him, with what faith can he seeke a blessing? with what hope can he expect a blessing? Much terror is by this meanes brought to many men conscience: and they are oft in a great strait, not knowing whether it be fittest for them to retaine, or relinquish the⟦G6⟧ [Note 19] place. But by the way to resolue that doubt, if one that hath vnlawfully entred be fit for the performance of his place, it then safest for him to seeke pardon for the former offence, and reconciliation with God, and vpon true and vnfained repentance to hold the place (if at least the law vnder which he liueth establish him therein) and be so much the more faithfull in the discharge of the duties thereof.#

God hath further laid a charge vpon parents to prouide mariages [Note 20] for their children: for thus saith the Prophet in the name of the Lord vnto parents, [Note 21] Take wiues to your sonnes, and giue your daughters to husbands: and thus the Apostle, [Note 22] If any man thinke that he behaueth himselfe vncomely toward his virgin, if she passe the floure of her age, and need so require, let them marry. This direction was giuen in times of persecution, when by reason of the present necessity it was better not to marry: if then a parent ought to be carefull (need requiring) to prouide a mariage for his daughter, much more ought he in times of peace. Holy parents commended by the Holy Ghost haue beene carefull in performing this duty, as [Note 23] Abraham, [Note 24] Isaak, [Note 25] Naomi, and others: yea [Note 26] Hagar had learned this duty in Abrahams house. But the perfect patterne (which surpasseth all other examples) is of [Note 27] God himselfe, who prouided a fit match for his [Note 28] sonne Adam.

1.Children may not marry without consent of parents, (as was [Note 29] before shewed) Parents therefore must be carefull in time to prouide for them.#

2.Parents are to children in Gods place: they must therefore take vpon them this care of God.#

3.Mariage is the meanes which the Lord hath sanctified to preserue our bodies chaste and vndefiled: as parents therefore desire to keepe their children from vncleannesse and pollution, they must take care that this meanes be vsed. Not only holy Apostles, but also [Note 30] heathen Philosophers, and that by the light of nature, haue found this to be the fittest course.#

4.This also is a meanes as to [Note 31] increase the commonwealth, and [Note 32] preserue an holy seed, and to erect new families, so to continue parents owne houses and name.#

Two cautions are to be obserued of parents in prouiding mariages for their children.

1.That the match which they prouide be meet: so said God when he was about to prouide a match for Adam, I will [Note 33] make him an helpe meet for him. Therefore [Note 34] the match prouided must not be too neere of kin, of a contrary religion, of too vnequall an age, of too great disparity in estate. These things will hinder loue, and cause disdaine and hatred of one another.#

2.Though the match may seeme meet in the parents eie, yet he may not force his childe thereto. Could a fitter match haue beene found out for Rebekah then Isaak? yet Rebekahs friends [Note 35] asked her consent. I denie not but parents may vse all manner of faire meanes to moue their children to yeeld to that which they see good for them: but if they cannot moue them to yeeld, to referre the matter to God, and not against their childrens minds to force them. When God had made a most meet match for Adam, he brought her to the man: namely to see how he would like her. For the neerest bond of all is betwixt man and wife; a man must leaue father and mother, and [Note 36] cleaue vnto his wife; man and wife must alwaies liue together: great reason therefore that at the first ioyning them together there be a mutuall liking of one another, lest euer after there be a perpetuall dislike: and though the authority of parents ought in this case to be inuiolable, yet a middle course is so to be held, as the parties may willingly with a mutuall consent ioyne themselues together.#

The extreme in the defect is, when parents carelesly let their children passe the floure of their age: and neuer consider whether need require that they should mary or no. Their children may sit long enough before they seeke out a match for them, vnlesse it be brought to them: and when one is offered though it be neuer so fit, yet except they may make an aduantage thereof to themselues, they will hardly yeeld to it. Thus they make their children to seeke out mariages for themselues, and without their consent to make them vp: or else to liue in discontent, [Note 37] if not in vncleannesse. By the carelesnesse of parents in this respect are children oft made a prey to the deuill: whereof at the day of iudgement parents shall giue an account to God.

The extreme in the excesse is, [Note 38] when parents through a couetous desire to get great and rich matches for their children, marie them before they be of yeares of discretion to like or dislike, to know what is meet or vnmeet; or able to performe euen the essentiall duties of mariages: seldome doe such vnlawfull mariages prosper.

In a like excesse doe they offend who for outward aduantages match their children to such as by nature are vnfit for mariage, to ideots, to [Note 39] idolaters, to profane persons, or they care not to whom. And if their children like not these matches, they will doe to the vttermost of their power what they can to force them thereunto. Many mischiefes ordinarily fall out vpon such mariages, as vtter dislike betwixt husband and wife, continuall complaining one of another, inquiring after diuorce, or any other separation, wishing, yea practising one anothers death. To all these mischiefes doe parents, the cause thereof, make themselues accessary.

An especiall outward meanes whereby parents may be the better inabled to prouide fit callings and mariages for their children, is, before hand to lay vp some stocke, or competent portion for their children. This is comprised vnder that generall prouision, whereof he that is carelesse is counted by the Apostle [Note 40] worse then an insidell: but more expresly is it noted in these words, [Note 41] Parents ought to lay vp for their children: and commended in [Note 42] Abrahams example.

While children are vnder their parents they haue no meanes to lay vp for themselues: for all their seruice is for their parents. But in regard of the times wherein we liue, it is needfull for setting vp in a good calling, and for obtaining a fit match, that children haue some stocke and portion. It lieth therefore vpon the parents, and their duty it is to prouide it.

Obiect. Christ forbiddeth to lay vp treasures on earth. [Note 43] Answ. If the scope of that place be rightly marked, it will appeare that Christ there forbiddeth not simply the thing it selfe, but

1.The minde of him that layeth vp: namely when it is filled full of carking, and distrustfull thoughts: fearing that in the time to come he shall not haue sufficient. To this purpose doth Christ propound Gods prouidence ouer fowles and [Note 44] lillies.#

2.The manner of laying vp, when temporall things are preferred before spirituall and heauenly: therefore he addeth this precept, but lay vp treasures in heauen, &c. [Note 45]#

3.The measure, when men neuer thinke they haue laid vp enough: but scrape what they can come by iustly or vniustly; and spare more then needs, euen things necessary, from themselues and others, to make a great stocke and portion for their children. The word of [Note 46] treasuring vp (which Christ there vseth) implieth an immoderate measure. Among other needfull cautions for parents to be obserued in laying vp for their children, these three are especially to be noted.#

1.That iustly they come by that which they lay vp: and lay nothing towards a childs portion which is any way vniustly gotten; for the treasures of wickednesse profit nothing: they may [Note 47] proue a fire to consume parents themselues, their children, their house, and whole posterity.#

2.That they couet not too much to make their children rich, and for that purpose liue meanly and basely themselues, yea and depriue themselues of many necessaries. An egregious [Note 48] point of folly is this, which Solomon hath much taxed.#

3.That all needfull duties of charity to the poore, and of iustice to the Church and common-wealth be performed, and pretext of laying vp for children hinder none of these.#

The extremes contrary to the forenamed dutie are these:

1.When parents liue at the vttermost extent of their estate, and from time to time spend all their reuenues or all their gaines, and so are scarce able to make euen at quarter day, or yeares end. What stocke or portion can they lay vp for children?#

2.When parents liue aboue their estate, and spend riotously their ordinary gaines, or reuenues, and for other necessary affaires are forced to runne into debt. Many are so farre from helping their children in this kinde, as they are maine hinderance vnto them, vrging their eldest sonne especially who is their heire, to be bound for them, and so lay such a burden on his backe, as (to vse the common phrase) they make it cracke againe.#

3.When parents haue enough for themselues and their children, and yet so couetously dote vpon their wealth, as they will not bestow a groat to helpe them in calling and mariage, but say they keepe all for them. What a wretched and foolish disposition is this, that they should still lay vp more and more for their children, and yet refuse to bestow any part thereof vpon them in their greatest need, when it might redound to their greatest benefit? God oft meeteth with such couetous misers, and crosseth their purposes, by making strangers to enioy that which they greedily hoorded vp.#